Arrest Those Free Radicals

 Arrest those free radicals

By Stu Cassell | Highlands Today 

Published: February 16, 2011

I use my treadmill every day. The only problem is it's next to our couch, and what I use it for is a snack tray while I watch television. I find it's a nice long flat surface where I can set my soda and chips.

I have the best intentions. Every morning I wake up thinking, "Today is the day I start eating healthier" but by noon my resolve goes right out the window. Then I either drive to a fast food restaurant, ordering their mega-cholesterol burger, or I eat mass quantities of food at home.

I'm one of those people who think eating a Big Mac and super-sized french fries is really offset by drinking a Diet Coke with it. The same goes for eating popcorn at a movie theater. The diet soda negates the 10,000 calories of the garbage can-sized popcorn.

Being a chocoholic is no help either. Studies have shown health benefits associated with the consumption of chocolate. Chocolate releases endorphins in the brain - little "feel-good" neurotransmitters. When I'm depressed eating chocolate makes me feel better, until the guilt sets in afterwards. Usually it has to do with the quantity involved.

Chocolate also contains antioxidants, something that eliminates free radicals. Before I read up on the subject I thought free radicals were members of some extreme political group that hadn't been arrested yet. But no, they are actually harmful molecules that affect the heart, your eyesight and in some instances can lead to cancer.

I guess I haven't eaten enough chocolate because while I have no immediate heart problems or cancer, if I don't wear my bifocals I'm just about ready for a dog and a cane. Must consume more chocolate!

Sometimes I kid myself into thinking I'm eating a healthy snack. Walnuts are reported to be rich in omega-3 essential fatty acids, which are good for your heart. Almonds are said to be the best nut for lowering cholesterol. Who said it? I did, after eating three Almond Joys.

But getting back to healthy snacks, I'll take a large can of mixed nuts, and I'll add a big bag of M&M's to it. There - I've made an incredibly healthy snack. It contains the wonderful health benefits of a variety of nuts, and the mood elevators and anti-oxidants of the chocolate.

My only problem is eating a half pound of my healthy snack at a time. At that point, the primary benefit is that I am on my way to becoming an exhibit at one of the Ripley's Believe It Or Not museums - the world's largest organic paper weight.

Salads are healthy, right? Why didn't I lose any weight during the month I ate salads every day for lunch? Did it have anything to do with the turkey, ham, cheese, croutons, bacon bits, and Ranch dressing I used to adorn my lettuce?

Now to hear me talk you'd think that I'm some 600 pound, can't get through the front door morbidly obese fatty fat-soid. But actually, I'm only about 25 pounds overweight. I think it's because I'm still fairly active despite the gluttony.

For me, being that much overweight is to reach "critical mass." Most of the weight is centered on my waist. At this point there are certain parts of my anatomy that are no longer visible from an aerial view. When I take off my shirt my wife looks at my gut and says, "Now there's an attractive picture."

I must confess, I provoke it by pushing my stomach out as far as I can to imitate a pregnant woman just for her reaction. But enough is enough. It's time to do something about my weight, and I will - right after lunch.