Marital Shorthand

 Marital Shorthand

By

Stu Cassell

After you’ve been married a decade or longer, you and your spouse begin to develop what I call “Marital Shorthand.”  These are non-verbal indicators of things going on in your household.  Here are several of ours.

 Dishwashing detergent bottle on the counter above the dishwasher.  This means the dishwasher has soap in it, and you should start it after you put your last few dishes in it.

 Laundry Basket on bed. This means, “Honey, can you carry this downstairs to the basement laundry room for me?”

 Magazine on top of dog food container.  This means the dogs have been fed.

 Pill bottle upside down on top of microwave.  This means I remembered to take my morning medicine, and this is how I keep track of having done that.  Before I started using this reminder, I could easily forget I already took it.  Later in the morning when I’m more alert and awake I flip it back over.  Once I started this practice my wife no longer needed to ask me if I had taken my medicine.

 Stamped letter on dining room table.  This means “Please put it in the mailbox on your way to the store.”

 Dog door insert in at night. This means the dogs have gone out for the last time and are inside for the remainder of the evening.

 Keys in refrigerator on top of something.  This is a way of not forgetting to take something you’ve prepared for someone outside of the house.

 Empty gallon milk container on table.  This alerts me that we need more milk.

 Coffee Pot and filter holder on counter.  This alerts my wife that she needs to set up the coffee for the next morning.

 You may ask, “Why don’t you just talk to each other?”  Actually, over the years we’ve both noticed that we were doing things as reminders to ourselves to do something or that we had done something already.  Over time, these non-verbal reminders became indicators of things we could help each other with, like when I see a pot on the kitchen counter.

 Usually, my wife has taken it out of our dishwasher, and because it does a poor job of drying the dishes, she puts the pot on a towel on the counter.  When I see that, knowing that she has a bad back, I take the pot and do the bending to put it away in the lower cabinet.

 We have a pretty clear cut division of labor in our house.  I do all of the maintenance inside the house and outside, which includes all of the yard work, keeping the gutters clean, and any repairs inside and out.  I also do all of the cooking because a) I enjoy it and b) I’m the better cook between the two of us.

 I do any trouble shooting on our computer, audio visual equipment, or electrical or plumbing issues.

 My wife does all of the cleaning, the laundry, administering pet medicine, and she does the dishes, and takes care of setting up the coffee for the next morning.  She also empties all of the trash containers in the house, and is usually the one to handle any detail work such as filling out forms.

 Our non-verbal communication extends beyond household work.  Despite being married for over 15 years, when it comes to initiating a “date night” we’re both pretty shy about getting things started.

 However, we have certain rituals we’ve developed over the years surrounding these special events.  Lights are dimmed, candles are lit, and we have a favorite background CD we play, Principles of Lust by Enigma. 

 Now when one of us wants to extend an invitation to the other one to join them in the bedroom, they just play this song.  It’s much easier for two shy people to get things going this way.

 You’ve heard of “make-up sex?” Well, part of our non-verbal communication is “make-up chocolate.”  We both love chocolate and if one of us has upset the other, the quickest way to patch things up is to put some little chocolate treat on the offended person’s pillow.  That small gesture says, “I’m sorry and I love you.”

 I could go on, but it’s evening, and I think I’ll stop now and take a quick shower and then put on some music – something nice, maybe one of our Enigma CDs.