Room Temperature IQ

 

Room Temperature IQ

 By

 Stu Cassell

 

During the course of my son Ben’s lifetime, his perception of my intelligence varied from Dad knowing everything to Dad having a room temperature IQ.

 From the ages of 2 to 5 I took on "God-like" qualities. I was responsible for all miracles that occurred in his universe.  As a youngster, as Ben began to master the fundamentals of the English language, he was particularly fascinated with the word Why. He often incorporated it into a chant as he conducted endless experiments. He altered the pitch, volume, and frequency in an attempt to pinpoint the exact combination that would produce the greatest amount of irritation in me.

 Once he reached age 12, Ben was suddenly blinded by a flash of intelligence which he mistakenly perceived as his own. At the onset of puberty, he was unaware that a hormonal surge had temporarily overloaded his circuits and created this illusion which lasted for several years. He worked hard at asking questions I didn’t have the foggiest notion how to answer. Ben was astounded I didn’t know the nuclear weight of zinc or the exact age of the galaxy.

 The toughest period for me was when Ben was between 13 and 21.  He developed into a superior life form, viewing me as some sort of sub-species, which he could barely tolerate, and usually tried to ignore. At this point, he interpreted any attempt at interaction with contempt, and resisted complying with even the most basic requests with every fiber of his being, thus establishing his independence and solidarity with others of his kind.  Besides a hostile attitude, further evidence of this stage of his evolution was the artful arrangement of clothes on the floor and every horizontal surface in his room.

 Ben did exercise limited cooperation on occasions when he needed money or transportation. However, it was usually with an underlying hint of disgust.

 By the time Ben reached 21, he started to realize that there was a reason I constantly nagged him to work harder in high school.  He began to really apply himself, and landed a 5-year scholarship to the University of Michigan to pursue a Ph.D. program in computer science.  I’m very proud of him.

 In the last few years Ben would call me as he began to navigate through life.  Now I had answers for the questions he asked me about car insurance, mechanical problems, and other day to day challenges we all face.

 Occasionally when he calls, he will reference things I tried to teach him when he was a kid.  I didn’t know until now that he even heard what I was saying to him - things like “never be anyone’s victim” or “be your own man, don’t let others lead you into bad situations” – those words of fatherly advice apparently sank in.

 In addition, Ben now has an appreciation for everything his step-mother and I did for him while he lived with us.  All the chauffeuring, money spent on clothes, family trips, and lessons I tried to teach him - it all means much more to him than ever before. 

 In short, I’m no longer an idiot.  Somehow, over the years, I regained my intelligence.  While not quite the omnipotent being he thought I was when he was a toddler, still, I’m quite a bit higher on the evolutionary ladder then I was when he went through his teens. 

 Now his younger brother Josh – well, that’s another story.  I may still be an amoeba in his eyes, but I have hope that will eventually change too.  I just have to live long enough.