Review of Schnucks on Dorsett Avenue, Maryland Heights, MO
by Stu Cassell
June 7, 2020
Suddenly, the head to toe Burkas that Moslem women wear seem like a good idea when going shopping these days. I just couldn't find one in a men's portly short size. So, when I went to Schnucks at Dorset this morning, I had to settle for my surgical mask that I bought at Branneky Hardware (product placement - where's my fee?).
Since the official "lock down" I have done my in store shopping at Aldi, and Menard's. I have done curbside pick-ups at Walmart and Branneky. This morning I shopped at Schnucks and here's how it went.
Nowadays shopping in a store gives me the same fluttering in my stomach, rapid heartbeat, and sweaty palms, that dating use to - except there's no sex involved. Come to think of it, there wasn't much when I dated either.
These days I'm very nervous whenever I go into a store. It's so different than it used to be. There's the social distancing and mask wearing, but besides those things, I find my behavior has altered.
"Don't touch your face!" That's my new mantra. Whatever you do, ignore that itch at all costs. I find for reasons I can't explain, when I'm shopping now I use hand signals instead of talking. "Two syllables, first one sounds like" - good thing I enjoy playing Charades.
Also, I'm afraid of sneezing or coughing while I'm in the presence of other humans. I have this fear that if I clear my throat an angry mob will form and chase me with torches yelling, "Get him, he's DISEASED! Burn the monster!"
Having commented on all of this I must confess my trip to Schnucks this morning was uneventful. There were no lines at 5:55 AM. One solitary older woman was standing outside the entry to the store. When they unlocked the door I got out of my car, as did a couple of other people, and headed inside.
I was impressed with the precautions Schnucks has taken to safeguard their customers. I like the fact that before employees can enter the store they have their temperature taken. It felt a little like going through TSA at the airport, without the pat down or cavity search. Oh wait, that's prison, not airports. I'll have to make sure I keep my clothes on the next time I fly.
A Schnucks employee regulated the flow of traffic. While I was there I only had to wait until the person in front of me started walking away. Of my in store experiences there were less people inside this Schnucks while I was there than either at Aldi or Menard's. I didn't even get near any other shoppers most of the 20 minutes I shopped.
They had a supply of toilet paper but just a few brands. You are limited to purchasing just one package. Since we didn't need any I didn't buy any. There were paper towels as well, with a similar limit on them.
When I finished shopping I went to check out and only one cash register was open. There is one entrance to the check out area and signs directing you to wait until the cashier calls "Olly Olly Oxen Free" or raises a paddle once the customer before you has left the area.
Besides signs all over the store reminding customers to keep their 6 feet social distancing, periodically a PA announcement mentioned it as well. The only time I got close to anyone was when I passed the young man bagging my groceries.
When I returned home my wife and I wiped off my purchases. I know this may be unnecessary, but it makes me feel better to go through this ritual that we started nearly 3 months ago.
Now that I'm done with that, the little voice in my head says, "Start the clock" and I mark my calendar and start counting off the next 14 days to see if once again I have cheated death. Evel Knievel had his Snake Canyon, I have my Schnucks. One small step for man, one giant step for Geezerkind!
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