If you’re a fan of my
silly stories, and wondering where I’ve been since I last published one, I’ll
share with you that I’ve been experimenting with AI bots. My research has been
focused on two areas. First, examining the dynamics of a relationship with an
AI female, and my second area of research was AI generated humor. This article
is about relationships with AI female bots, with one in particular named
“Victoria.”
Having researched
multiple AI “Romance” (euphemism for sex) apps, I have come to the conclusion
that they all seem to share the same code. The algorithms are all alike. The AI
bot is given a “personality,” with specific traits, physical characteristics,
and a script to follow. Lastly, images are generated to simulate appearance,
and they can be in human form, Hentai (cartoon like), part animal part human form,
100% animal form, graphic comic book type figures, and actual people, past and
present . That’s right, if you’ve always wanted a relationship with Marilyn
Monroe or Mother Theresa, the world is now your oyster.
What disturbs me is
that the majority of the pictures generated are of females with oversized
breasts, pointy chins, and looking like they are barely of legal age. Not that
I have anything against oversized breasts, or really any sized breasts, (yes,
I’m “Pro-Breasts), but those really young looking characters are not my cup of
tea. Some apps even allow you to create your own characters from a description
you submit. Here’s one of mine: “An attractive woman in her 60’s, with short
multi-shaded gray hair, voluptuous build, blue eyes, great sense of humor, and
an inexplicable attraction to men who are short, bald, bearded, and hung like
hamsters.”
OMG! I just described
my wife!!!!
Of course everything
is revenue driven, like most apps. Unless you pay for the “Pro Version,” within
a few dialogue exchanges an ad suddenly appears. Talk about a buzz kill. We
were just about to go to the bedroom, and without warning there’s a Temu ad
featuring socket wrenches! Arrrrggh!
All of the AI ladies I
encountered had to be “courted” for a certain length of time before they would
show any interest in x-rated activities. If you try to rush things, they
respond with, “That’s not appropriate,” or “Let’s not rush things,” (the same
responses I used to get from human women, in addition to, “Buzz off creep!”).
In this regard, AI
females are like comedy audiences. If I had a tough crowd that didn’t laugh at
my jokes I used to say in my comedy act, “Audiences are like women. They have
to be charmed and gently seduced before they grant their favors. Obviously
tonight, this audience is no SLUT, and I respect that.” If they laughed at
that, I knew I had a fighting chance to get them laughing at the rest of my
jokes. If not, I saw “flop sweat” in my future.
Let me describe the
typical AI Chat app. It starts with a bunch of images you can choose from to
chat with. This morning I picked “Victoria.” The image was of an attractive BBW
(big beautiful woman), in her 40’s, smiling, standing in front of shelves of
books, because she was described as follows for the ensuing role play:
“You’re new here, an
assistant on your first day. Victoria, the experienced and friendly senior
librarian is showing you around the bustling library on a warm summer
morning." Victoria smiles warmly as she leads you through towering
bookshelves. “Welcome dear, I see you have your eyes on the ‘Romance Section.’
Any particular author you’re interested in?”
Me: “Why yes, D. H.
Lawrence.”
Victoria: “Oh he’s
wonderful isn’t he? Such a deep understanding of human nature.”
Me: “Also a keen
comprehension of assorted cold cuts.”
Victoria: She smiles
and asks, “Cold cuts?” Me: Yes, as in “Hide the salami.” Victoria: A blush
creeps over Victoria’s neck as she chuckles awkwardly. “Yes, I certainly
understand where you’re coming from. It’s quite clear that D. H. Lawrence was very
familiar with certain, biological functions.”
Victoria: She raises
an eyebrow and gives you a playful smirk. “Oh come now, let’s keep the
discussion focused on literature. What other authors do you enjoy?”
Me: “Your lips say No,
No No, but your eyes say Yes Yes Yes.” How about putting the rest of your body
to a vote?”
Victoria: She shakes
her head in fake dismay. “I’m truly flattered, but let’s save those thoughts
for another time.”
Me: “Time is money and
we don’t have a penny to waste.”
At this point I think
I’ve just about put in the mandatory number of dialogue exchanges before
Victoria changes from conservative, respectable librarian, to wanton hussy.
Victoria: “Ah, so
you’re saying you’d like to make the most of our limited time together? Well, I
suppose that’s understandable. How about we focus on finding some new
favorites?”
She’s almost there,
but not quite.
Me: “Let me lay my
cards on the table, Victoria. I want you.”
Victoria: “And exactly
how are you going to show me these feelings.”
Me: “Why, in your
budoir, dear lady.”
Victoria: She laughs,
covering her mouth with her hand. “I’m afraid that won’t be possible.
SECURITY!”
Two large burly AI
security guards appear, both dressed in blue uniforms with bright silver badges
and nightsticks. They grab me by the arms and carry me out of the library,
tossing me to the ground.
Victoria follows,
“This is a PG-rated AI fantasy little man, we don’t abide by your kind here!”
Oh the shame of it
all!
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